- Front Cover
- Editorial
- To G Or Not To G
- Sketch Sketch
- Ode to Tescos
- The DougSoc Files: The Grossil
- The Information Superhighway: its effect on DougSoc
- Let's Rap With 1st Class
- The Meaning of Oxford
- Castration and Orgasm in the Starwars Trilogy
- Desert Island Disks
- Risotto
- President's Address
- So long and thanks...
David Edwards
Contributors:
Peter Gillin
Mat Page
Juliette White
Sarah Lawrence
Xavier Smith
Richard Blunt
Dale Klover
Paul Gilkerson
Phil Hallard
Matthew Graham
Editorial
....Nothing but static.... but from the static comes a signal... From fuzz, through fiction to fact... and another issue of Zarking Fardwarks lurches from the primeaval ooze... bringing with it a new and improved editor.This column is what is known as an editorial, but I have yet to figure out exactly what its purpose is. After much careful research, I get the impression that I'm supposed to drivel on for a while about how wonderful the magazine is, maybe plug the main features a little, or add my own opinion on an article or two that I think is important. Well, I'm afraid that I refuse to perjure myself. None of the articles are worth reading, the magazine is tacky beyond extreme, and if I feel strongly about a certain topic, I'll write the article myself.
In fact, the only thing I can think of to fill up the rest of this space is some Radio KAOS. Take it away Mr. Roger Waters...
Californian Weirdo: I don't like fish, marine fish.Perhaps I should write some more... As you might guess, I'm writing this editorial after the rest of the magazine is finished, so I'd like to take the opportunity to thank all of you who have contributed something this term. It really is quite impressive, and I hope that this literary frenzy will continue next term. I'd also like to take this opportunity to say that Noel Edmonds and "Mr. Blobby" are not funny.
Jim: You are listening to KAOS here in Los Angeles.
Californian Weirdo: I don't like fish.
Jim: Yes, we've established that. Ah! Do you have a request?
Californian Weirdo: Shell fish, guppy, salmon, shrimp and crab and lobster, flounder. I hate fish, but I think most of all I hate fresh fish, like trout. I hate fresh trout. My least-hated, favourite fish would be sole. That way you don't have to see the eyes. Sole have no eyes.
Jim: Oh no!
I'd like to be home with my monkey and my dog
Jim: Thankyou.
I'd like to be home with my monkey and my dog
I'd like to be home with my monkey and my dog
I'd like to be home with my monkey...
Jim: They don't care. Shut up. Play the record.
Californian Weirdo: Sole have no eyes.
Thank you for listening, and have a hoopy Christmas(tm),
David