• Front Cover
  
• Editorial
  
• To G Or Not To G
  
• Sketch Sketch
  
• Ode to Tescos
  
• The DougSoc Files: The Grossil
  
• The Information Superhighway: its effect on DougSoc
  
• Let's Rap With 1st Class
  
• The Meaning of Oxford
  
• Castration and Orgasm in the Starwars Trilogy
  
• Desert Island Disks
  
• Risotto
  
• President's Address
  
• So long and thanks...

Contributors:
Peter Gillin
Mat Page
Juliette White
Sarah Lawrence
Xavier Smith
Richard Blunt
Dale Klover
Paul Gilkerson
Phil Hallard
Matthew Graham

"But what does it mean?" I hear you ask. Buggered if I know. In fact, even the title now seems a little bizarre. Just in case you're wondering, this is an example of the sort of thing DougSoc can produce when let loose in the amazing world of the Internet.

To G Or Not To G

by Dan, David and Colin

P: Don't believe everything you read, Dan... You're right this time, but only dead fish go with the flow.

X: Fish are as fish do, I think you'll find, David, and a stampede of moose is not my idea of a good time.

P: Nor mine... Take care of the moose, and the fish will take care of themselves. Only clean your teeth, afterwards.

X: The salmon will always swim upstream, remember. A moose will wander and graze, but a fish will inquire and learn. There is ever a sense of scale.

P: Scale maybe, but only a fool climbs a mountain when a cable-car is quicker.

X: The goat climbs a mountain, but a fool sits in a pond, where the fish should be. Which would you say is the quicker?

P: The faster the fish, the further they fall is what I say, but the Moose swims fastest of all. However, speed is all relative and the fool sits while the world turns.

X: Subjectivity, like the Fish, is in the eye of the beholder. The speeding moose is a spinning, dizzy beast, but in water is there placid pace.

P: Placid pace or passive plaice, the spinning moose will only come to rest when the work is done. Let the fish not get ye down.

X: Puns and revolutions are the shifting realms of a moose uncertain of its footing. The work of a fish is never done, but always done with fluid ease.

P: An alternative thinker would deem the world to revolve, but the moose knows no liquid like the fish knows no soil. Shift nothing, and something will take its place.

X: He who eats soil and has not water shall thirst needlessly. The rigidity of the ground begs earthquakes, and the moose is crushed while fish swim on.

P: Better to thirst than to die from dehydration. The fish knows this, and so does the moose. Only the wise can tell when the earth will move, and only the fool ignores him.

X: Yet how can one starve in a desert of food? A meal of mousse or fish is unpalatable, but those green to the world will not long survive.

C: Desert or dessert? If one is in the dessert, one has finished with the fish and is on to the mousse. However, if one finds themselves in the desert, better pray that the fish is fresh.

P: The fish will be fresh while the mountain stands. A salmon mousse knows no limits in its appeal to the Gods.

X: Fresh fish abound, and swim under the Gods protection, far on a mountain. But when the moose sounds, and seeks to climb the mountain, skies darken.

C: The sound of a moose can, at least, be heard over the noise of the darkening skies. To hear the mountain, one must strain harder.

P: But to strain too hard is to strive for the unobtainable. Not only will the mountain creak, but it shall groan under the mental pressure.

C: Mountains can, at least, withstand pressure; fish too. Surely it is the mountain top which is unobtainable, unless the moose is a goat, of course.

P: The pressure is caused by the mountain, therefore the mountain knows no pressure. The fish or the moose or the goat live in fear of the unobtainable, for their acheivement is but a sigh in the breeze of nature's ill winds.

X: The animals of the skies look down on the moose and fish with envious eyes, and the goat with concern. When the unattainable peak is in sight, it is best to live in comfort in its shadow, and strive to understand. Never go back, creatures, never go back.