• Front Cover
  
• Editorial
  
• To G Or Not To G
  
• Sketch Sketch
  
• Ode to Tescos
  
• The DougSoc Files: The Grossil
  
• The Information Superhighway: its effect on DougSoc
  
• Let's Rap With 1st Class
  
• The Meaning of Oxford
  
• Castration and Orgasm in the Starwars Trilogy
  
• Desert Island Disks
  
• Risotto
  
• President's Address
  
• So long and thanks...

Contributors:
Peter Gillin
Mat Page
Juliette White
Sarah Lawrence
Xavier Smith
Richard Blunt
Dale Klover
Paul Gilkerson
Phil Hallard
Matthew Graham

The DougSoc Files: The Grossil

by Mathew Graham

Like a well-worn pair of moleskin trousers with swept-back pockets, the mists of myth and legend hang easily around the nether regions of the great body of DougSoc that are its earliest years. Many are the figures, who now silent and sepia-stained, fade effortlessly into oblivion, only to be resurrected momentarily into the light once more by the hushed mention of an eldritch name at a Committee meeting or party by an unsuspecting novice: the spectral form of Benedict Grey, the cloaked stranger known as Hank, the long-lost first President and founder David May.

Bizarre and arcane rituals also litter the ancient annals of DougSoc: strange circumlocutions of the Radcliffe Camera by moonlight and bicycle in the snow, hopscotching through Trinity Garden Quad into the small hours of the morning and, of course, the infamous gatherings on Port Meadow to search for life beyond the stars.

To the elders and initiated of the Society, these mysteries serve to imbue our lives with a transcendental quality by which we can make sense of the seeming futility and inanity of existence but even we prostrate ourselves in awe and fear before the name of the One: the Grossil.

It revealed Itself to us in the manifestation known only as Dr. D. C. Grossil of Christ Church. Maths tutor and first Senior Member of DougSoc, our mentor never hid his unearthly nature: spending half his time in Oxford, half his time in London and the other half in York [Sounds like me - Ed]. Such a feat would, of course, be impossible for any human but not for the Grossil.

Further research has revealed that the histories of the Grossil and the University (and hence Western Civilisation) are inextricably entwined. There has been a Grossil at the University and before that in Oxford since before the time of Pippin the Short. Sir Balthazar de Grossylle, Abbot Malthias of Grosil, Beau Grosell, Bauxite Lacewing Grossyl, Aloysius St. John Grosail, Ichabod Grossel - these are just a handful of the manifestations that have graced the halls and corridors of the greatest academic establishment in the world. Tutoring and lecturing in subjects across the board, guiding and focusing the greatest minds of the day, the net influence on the development and evolution of civilisation as we know it is unimaginable.

Subtlety has always been the trademark as DougSoc only too well knows. In truth, we encountered Dr. Grossil physically only twice but his spiritual influence was (is and shall be) always present. Historically it was this difficulty in contacting him that caused the Society to dismiss him as Senior Member and in so doing violate innumerable Proctors' Memoranda and our very own Constitution. Metaphysically, it was the end of the beginning of the Society and our future was now safe and secure: the Grossil was no longer needed and so took Its leave of us. So next time life seems unbearably bleak and depressing, just reflect on the fact that you are a part of a society intimately connected with the future of humanity, forget that essay for a few hours and go and party with DougSoc. It's what the Grossil would want!